Clean Out the Closet!

During one of the recent broadcasts of my radio show, the topic I was speaking on was forgiveness.
Oooooh that is a vulnerable, painful, revealing place to go. I could have spoken for DAYS on it, Not because I am an expert or perfect (Lord knows I am far from that! lol) but because it is a place I am at, a place God has taken me to. When He takes ya to it, He will take ya through it!  : )
If you are "getting real" about forgiveness something happens. A realization sets in that it isn't about the person that needs to appologize - it is about the person who needs to forgive. It is about YOU.
It becomes very clear that you may NEVER hear the words "I am sorry" by the one or ones (in my case anyway) who have hurt you, betrayed you, stole something from you, dumped grabage into your heart or soul.
Something else also comes to light...They probably are not even sorry enough to ask for your forgiveness, You may be saying - GREAT...that sure helps! .But you know what? It should. Because it gives the power back to you to fix it - or at least deal with it. You have to see the problem before you can address the problem.
You see, it is like having that closet in your house that you keep shoving stuff into that you no longer want, no longer need and no longer want to see hanging around. You think someday you will have the time and energy to deal with it but right now, in the closet it goes. Out of sight, out of mind. Right? Then one day, that closet door will not shut! You are forced to remove some "stuff" or let it all fall out all around you.
The best way to clean it all out and up...one item at a time - or a few that are connected in some way.
It can be VERY VERY painful - sentiment can blur the value and usefullness of the item.
In the same way,  we can find ourselves with a "closet of hurts". It is full of things that when you try to take a a piece of it to work on it leaves you to feel like your heart is now vulnerable - it is allowing a piece to be handed over to someone or something that is undeserving. You deserve to feel that pain for what happened to you. You deserve the resentment, that hatred, that anger.Sometimes it is even YOU who put it there and guilt and shame are taking up space in the corners of that closet! But, relinquishing it makes you feel like you are giving in.
Here is where the realization needs to step in. YOU are CHOOSING to let go. YOU are ALLOWING a dirty, rotting part to be removed so there is room for new healthy things to take it's place, useful things. YOU are HANDING IT OVER instead of shoving it back in the closet where it is waiting to bust the door open. YOU are THROWING IT OUT. YOU DESERVE to have that space back. Until you clear it out - its power in your life belongs to the one who put it there. (Gen 49:23) They have moved on from it - it isn't doing anything to them.They may not even REMEMBER putting it there.
No, the reason it is there will not be removed - it will remain but it's effect on you will stop cluttering the space. No, the person who caused it may not be worthy of your forgiveness - but a man thousands of years ago forgave you before you existed and while you were unworthy of it (Romans 5:8, Daniel 9:9). His example is the path to healing and living. (Ephesians 4:31-32)  It is hard. It feels really bad when you start cleaning it out. But , a fresh clean space is so rewarding. I want fresh space, fresh air, new life. It can not happen while I am holding on to all this old stuff. I realize I will have more things try to find their way in there and try to clutter it all again. Life is full of trials, But I CHOOSE to open the closet door before it busts open by itself. I want peace and grace in my world . There is only one way of getting it - it is by cleaning out the closet!
(Acts 20:23-24) ~ "one of the sheep"

Some of you may know me from the radio program I do on KFEX Fire Escape radio, others may know me from personally meeting me and others from this blog. In any case, I wanted to share with you an email address where any questions,comments or conversation you want to have with me can be sent. That way, if it is questions, requests for prayer or informatuon or comments you do not want showing up on the blog page, they will remain private.
I created the email address to use as serious contact - please do not send forwarded items or advertising.
I want it to be for contact if someone needs to be able to reach out to me.
So, with all that said, here is the email where you can reach me:
seekingtheshepherd@gmail.com
I will do my best to respond to you quickly and I keep all conversations confidential. I will not reveal or embarrass you in any way -( unless of course you are telling me something dangerous or illegal which needs intervention) Nothing will be posted in the blog unless it is something I find wonderful to share and only after asking your permission to do so - as an anonymous entry.

Hello..I am still here..lol

Wow, it has been a month since I posted!!!!! yikes... Well, lets fix that right now. : ) I have been busy fighting off illness and pursuing my passion of community theater by being in another play so my blogging got put "on the back burner" as they say. Well, I am dusting it off cause I have a kewl lil experience to share. I was helping someone out with housing and they had gotten behind on paying me so...long story short, I was feeling really used and hurt by their actions when God showed up! Ya see, I think He has a great sense of humor. He has to have to have made things like elephants and bumble bees....I will save that for another blog ...lol anywayz..... the realization that this person was going to skip out without repaying me all came to light on Tuesday afternoon. Leaving me with less financially than I had budgeted to have this month. Then, on Friday, I received some bills that had fees added to them that I called and questioned. Here is where God stepped in....the amount "waived" by these contacts were EXACTLY HALF of one months amount this person I was helping owed me. You may call it a coincidence...I do not. It felt as if God was saying, Deona, if you are willing to at least meet me half way, I will take care of the rest. Half way can be just showing up then letting Him use you there. Half way can be doing the physical part for Him so He can do the spiritual part. Half way can be speaking to someone about Him so He can then be planted in their mind & heart. Half way can be the footprints in the sand , where you are walking but He is actually carrying you. So...even though monetarily I may have gotten added back to my finances only half of what I was out, the blessing from seeing Him show up and work in ways that sent a message to me personally was far more valuable than anything I could gain by payment in full. My debt has already been paid in full by The One who still shows up, sometimes when you least expect it and in ways you were not even seeking to find Him in. ~ <3 " one of the sheep"