Come on...this is not a funeral, this is life worth having!

I am one of many, that if you are honest, find myself veering off the path. I will be clicking along and just feeling focused and secure in my choices being made then BAM, I trip or stumble and think....what in the world? Thats it! The world. (Romans 7:15) Some may stumble with alcohol abuse, physical relationships,gambling, many many sinful things we all know not to do. Luckily, I have avoided so many of those trappings but still have attitude or outlook checks that pop up and make me step back and say , ok...that is not what I wanna think, feel, do. When I visit with people I know are not believers or maybe they are searching, some things about the christians they know seems to be the same.... to them christians are uptight, judgemental,hypocrites, boring. Now, as long as we live here on earth, we stand the chance to be viewed as a hypocrite in the eyes of those that know what we profess. It only takes the one time they are nearby when we lose our temper , say something we should not or do something we should not. None of us are perfect and we need to acknowledge that when we do those things. Repentance is so important in front of that person, the humility that is so hard to show for some. In other cases, christians need to self check and remember, we are not here to be judgemental of others but to be sharing the good news of salvation, not beat someone up with it. There is a difference. Jesus drew people in with His love and acceptance of where someone was right then and taught them a better way. That is the example we are to use. Now, being boring.....THAT is where we definately need to get something changed! Why do so many walk around like thay are at a funeral? Like becoming a christian required any bit of a personality to be removed? We have a risen savior! We have victory! Have ya read the "end of the book"? We win! So why do so many of us act so void of joy or happiness. We need to be able to reach the generation and give them reason to want what we have. There are soooo many hurting and lost people and they are looking everywhere but where we are for answers or something to believe in. They have found only more pain and lies in what they have turned to. We need to show the joy. We need to celebrate a lil. We need to be reaching out past the walls of the church and offering the alternative they are looking for. When is the last time you had a cookout and invited that person you know needs a friend? When is the last time you went to the lake to go boating, fishing, swimming and asked someone that needs some joy in their life along? We get used to hanging with our own lil circle , usually already beliveres and forget to widen our focus. What if Jesus would have just hung out with his group of twelve without reaching past that set of close friends? Never shared what He knew with anyone else and kept it all for just them? We would be at a funeral! Our own! But He didn't and we are not. So, lets start celebrating. Lets have some fun and show it to the ones who need to see it most. I feel so bad for the twenty somethings in my life. With social media and such, you don't see people just hanging out like they used to. Like in the park playing frisbe or at the local pool. Where do you meet someone without hanging around in the clubs? We need to start getting them involved with other christians. They are the future families. It can start with a simple invitation to a cookout. Lets leave "the funeral" and get back to the celebrations. We are alive and so is He. ~ "one of the sheep"

Clean Out the Closet!

During one of the recent broadcasts of my radio show, the topic I was speaking on was forgiveness.
Oooooh that is a vulnerable, painful, revealing place to go. I could have spoken for DAYS on it, Not because I am an expert or perfect (Lord knows I am far from that! lol) but because it is a place I am at, a place God has taken me to. When He takes ya to it, He will take ya through it!  : )
If you are "getting real" about forgiveness something happens. A realization sets in that it isn't about the person that needs to appologize - it is about the person who needs to forgive. It is about YOU.
It becomes very clear that you may NEVER hear the words "I am sorry" by the one or ones (in my case anyway) who have hurt you, betrayed you, stole something from you, dumped grabage into your heart or soul.
Something else also comes to light...They probably are not even sorry enough to ask for your forgiveness, You may be saying - GREAT...that sure helps! .But you know what? It should. Because it gives the power back to you to fix it - or at least deal with it. You have to see the problem before you can address the problem.
You see, it is like having that closet in your house that you keep shoving stuff into that you no longer want, no longer need and no longer want to see hanging around. You think someday you will have the time and energy to deal with it but right now, in the closet it goes. Out of sight, out of mind. Right? Then one day, that closet door will not shut! You are forced to remove some "stuff" or let it all fall out all around you.
The best way to clean it all out and up...one item at a time - or a few that are connected in some way.
It can be VERY VERY painful - sentiment can blur the value and usefullness of the item.
In the same way,  we can find ourselves with a "closet of hurts". It is full of things that when you try to take a a piece of it to work on it leaves you to feel like your heart is now vulnerable - it is allowing a piece to be handed over to someone or something that is undeserving. You deserve to feel that pain for what happened to you. You deserve the resentment, that hatred, that anger.Sometimes it is even YOU who put it there and guilt and shame are taking up space in the corners of that closet! But, relinquishing it makes you feel like you are giving in.
Here is where the realization needs to step in. YOU are CHOOSING to let go. YOU are ALLOWING a dirty, rotting part to be removed so there is room for new healthy things to take it's place, useful things. YOU are HANDING IT OVER instead of shoving it back in the closet where it is waiting to bust the door open. YOU are THROWING IT OUT. YOU DESERVE to have that space back. Until you clear it out - its power in your life belongs to the one who put it there. (Gen 49:23) They have moved on from it - it isn't doing anything to them.They may not even REMEMBER putting it there.
No, the reason it is there will not be removed - it will remain but it's effect on you will stop cluttering the space. No, the person who caused it may not be worthy of your forgiveness - but a man thousands of years ago forgave you before you existed and while you were unworthy of it (Romans 5:8, Daniel 9:9). His example is the path to healing and living. (Ephesians 4:31-32)  It is hard. It feels really bad when you start cleaning it out. But , a fresh clean space is so rewarding. I want fresh space, fresh air, new life. It can not happen while I am holding on to all this old stuff. I realize I will have more things try to find their way in there and try to clutter it all again. Life is full of trials, But I CHOOSE to open the closet door before it busts open by itself. I want peace and grace in my world . There is only one way of getting it - it is by cleaning out the closet!
(Acts 20:23-24) ~ "one of the sheep"

Some of you may know me from the radio program I do on KFEX Fire Escape radio, others may know me from personally meeting me and others from this blog. In any case, I wanted to share with you an email address where any questions,comments or conversation you want to have with me can be sent. That way, if it is questions, requests for prayer or informatuon or comments you do not want showing up on the blog page, they will remain private.
I created the email address to use as serious contact - please do not send forwarded items or advertising.
I want it to be for contact if someone needs to be able to reach out to me.
So, with all that said, here is the email where you can reach me:
seekingtheshepherd@gmail.com
I will do my best to respond to you quickly and I keep all conversations confidential. I will not reveal or embarrass you in any way -( unless of course you are telling me something dangerous or illegal which needs intervention) Nothing will be posted in the blog unless it is something I find wonderful to share and only after asking your permission to do so - as an anonymous entry.

Hello..I am still here..lol

Wow, it has been a month since I posted!!!!! yikes... Well, lets fix that right now. : ) I have been busy fighting off illness and pursuing my passion of community theater by being in another play so my blogging got put "on the back burner" as they say. Well, I am dusting it off cause I have a kewl lil experience to share. I was helping someone out with housing and they had gotten behind on paying me so...long story short, I was feeling really used and hurt by their actions when God showed up! Ya see, I think He has a great sense of humor. He has to have to have made things like elephants and bumble bees....I will save that for another blog ...lol anywayz..... the realization that this person was going to skip out without repaying me all came to light on Tuesday afternoon. Leaving me with less financially than I had budgeted to have this month. Then, on Friday, I received some bills that had fees added to them that I called and questioned. Here is where God stepped in....the amount "waived" by these contacts were EXACTLY HALF of one months amount this person I was helping owed me. You may call it a coincidence...I do not. It felt as if God was saying, Deona, if you are willing to at least meet me half way, I will take care of the rest. Half way can be just showing up then letting Him use you there. Half way can be doing the physical part for Him so He can do the spiritual part. Half way can be speaking to someone about Him so He can then be planted in their mind & heart. Half way can be the footprints in the sand , where you are walking but He is actually carrying you. So...even though monetarily I may have gotten added back to my finances only half of what I was out, the blessing from seeing Him show up and work in ways that sent a message to me personally was far more valuable than anything I could gain by payment in full. My debt has already been paid in full by The One who still shows up, sometimes when you least expect it and in ways you were not even seeking to find Him in. ~ <3 " one of the sheep"

Battle of mind over body

It has been a long week for me...it has found me in the hospital for a couple days. Fear tried to take root in my heart as my body was betraying my spirit in multiple ways and tests being ran seemed to hint at "worst case scenarios". I thank God that those tests came back to confirm that I am gonna be fine. I am left to rest and recouperate. Brings the bible verse about "Be still and know that I am God" to mind. You see, while I am left to "be still" (docs orders) the things in my life I am committed to also have to be still. THAT is the hard part and what weighs heavy on my heart. I feel as though I am letting down those that expect me to be there...from work to home. Being still is something I have no say in right now physically cause my heart wants one thing and my body is in rebellion to that desire. I am mindful that many are in this situation for more than a while. They too are in it against their wills. Their body betrays them. They feel useless and broken. To them, I can only pray that they know God and allow Him to use their situation to glorify Him. He loves the tired and broken, they are His biggest witnesses sometimes. Sometimes it is the soul that is broken...He works in big ways there too. I have been there. I can witness to this personally. I am thankful that I can also witness personally that in this time of having to be still, He has made himself known. He has ministered to me by way of encouragement from others who have shared prayers and expressions of missing my presence. We all wonder if we would be missed , I received confirmation that yes, I am. I thank God for this sweet confirmation that those He has placed in my life feel I am part of that circle to them the way they are to me. I will heal physically, thank God, and spiritually I am blessed during this stillness. It may have been for nothing more than to give me a few sips of fresh waters to a thirsty soul. My cup runneth over. <3

The Sword of the Lord....

An examination of ones self is always difficult. We usually want to ignore the things that need paid attention to that are hindering us. They can be painful revelations. I have found myself there. In need of some "spiritual surgery". A call to take up the sword of the Lord and go to work. The sword of the Lord...conjures up a thought of battle, huh? I guess that fits too but I need it to cut away the things that bind me to sinful ways. I need it in excising those who are stumbling blocks in my walk. I need it to seperate me from what I want so I can get to what I need. It's righteous blade is the only tool precise enough to do the job. Surgery can be painful but the healing depends on it. The "great physician" needs to pay me a house call. It is painful to realize that you are at an impass where some people and things have become like a growth that is feeding off of you and draining you. Making you unhealthy. Poisoning you. The closer the relationship, the deeper the cut. The more attached and dependent you are on something,the bigger the scar. My desire to be what God wants me to be requires that I take up that sword. Regardless of how painful it can or will be. Am I courageous enough to use it? What is more valuable to me, these things or Him? What am I willing to remove to let that happen? What has become a blockage to having the relationship I desire? I pray I have the discernment it requires. (Hebrews 12:1) ~ "one of the sheep"

Draw Near

I am sometimes surprised how difficult it is for some people to "get" prayer. It is one of the most essential parts of your relationship with God. I guess that is what gets some stumbling.Because it is God you can feel as if there is a different way you have to communicate to Him. Like only certain words or postures are acceptable. Yes, we should have reverence when we approach Him but some times, there are no words. It is just a tear, a groan, even a song. I may be the odd one here...lol...but I talk to Him just as I would anyone. I don't pray in "King James" style. :) He knows me and that wouldn't be what He expects from me. See, ya can't fool Him. Eloquent words are wonderful but He doesn't want to hear what you think you should say, He wants to hear what you need to say. No other relationship in your life can be more real, more intimate or more trustworthy than the one you can have with Him! All your secrets? He already knows about those and He loves you regardless. All your faults? Yup, He accepts you despite those too. He doesn't care what label is on your clothes, what tax bracket you are in, what you drive or where you live. He wants you - the real you. Quite possibly the you no one has ever seen. How do you communicate with Him? Do you? There is a big difference between uttering a prayer and actually praying, communicating. You don't have to be at an alter, you don't even have to kneel! If He was sitting in the room with you where you could look over at Him and talk, what would you say? Try prayer that way. Draw near. It is impossible to have a relationship with anyone when you do not communicate. God is not an exception to this. Talk to him. Right where you are. He is always listening and your talks with Him are always confidential :) Draw near. "Prayer is the burden of a sigh, the falling of a tear, the upward glancing of the eye when none, but God is near" ~ Montgomery 1840

Pssh...Friday 13th, I ain't scared!

The only superstition I like is the Stevie Wonder song! Lol I know there are many kinds of superstitions out there , of course today's date, Friday the thirteenth Is one of them. I can only speak for myself here....but I have experienced bad things in my life and none of them were on Friday the 13th. I would like to think a date on a calendar was not that powerful. I also know that there is someone much more powerful than a superstition could ever be :) So, no...I ain't scared It is a good thing too, as this year will have three of these days. So, if you are someone freaked out about this date...come visit with me sometime I would love to share with you the answer to your fears. :) ~ "one of the sheep"

Life's seasons

Winter seems to be arriving after a string of unseasonably warm January days. The wind is sharp, strong and stings against my bare face. Taking my breath with it. It is that time of year when the gray sky seems to be the only color against the bare trees. Life sometimes finds you in a season like this. Ever been there? Like your heart and soul are hard,cold,lifeless. It is in times such as that when the smallest ray of light breaks through with hope. In our winter, we look for that ray of light that we take for granted in our Springtime. We cling to the smallest sign of it. It is for this reason , I feel, that God allows our winters. Our focal point becomes so precise and we are so hungry for life that He is all we want. We seek Him so fervently and eagerly that we refuse to look towards anything else. We talk to Him more frequently, more passionately and more honestly than at any other time. I do not know what has found you in a winter. Death, divorce, financial problems, illness. I do know, however,that when everything else seems to no longer make sense, there is still one constant. I also know that seasons are for just a time and are made to change. I pray that if you are facing winter, that you are able to use it for a time of close communion with God and a time of growth in your walk. Search that gray sky the situation has cast on your horizon for the ray of light. It is still there,behind the clouds perhaps, but it is there nonetheless. Let the quiet of the winter allow you to converse with Him loud and clear. It may be a time of more growth than you ever thought was possible in the harsh winds blowing all around you. Come springtime, the strength and fruits you can show were quite likely planted in the hardness of a winters ground work. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8) ~ "One of the sheep"

Week 1 is in the bag

The first week of the new year is now history. Kinda weird to think about how fast that has gone by huh? If you made a New Years resolution, how are you doing with that? I am choosing to challenge myself and stay out of the rut we can get into in our lives. You know the one...chicken on Sunday, meatloaf on Monday,and so on... Go to work and come home to watch the same same TV shows week after week. Some routine is great and offers sanity but too much and your life seems stale. So, as of today, I have already began to stretch myself, step out and try a challenge. Corrie and I are getting our radio show together a little better each time. It is called Moments of Grace and runs on weekdays from noon to three on KFEX. I do not know if anyone listens other than DJ. (LOL) he said he listens and I think he is keeping his eye and ears on us girls to make sure we don't steal any of his thunder! Hahahahahahaha , just teasin DJ. :) Anyway, if you have listened I hope you enjoyed it. I pray it has been a blessing in some small way. I have already been blessed by the friendship with Corrie and this commitment we have made to the ministry. Please keep us in your prayers as we make ourselves available to what God desires of us. ~ <3 in Christ, "One of the Sheep"

Back into life

Well here it is, 2012. All the holiday plans are done and history. As I sit here writing this my mind is focusing on my return to work tomorrow and the end to the vacation I have been on. I wish I could say I managed to get a lot of things done while I was off, but I managed to rest more than anything else. Now I wish I had a couple of these days back to be productive. I have equal parts or dread and resolve about facing the back to work reality. I feel blessed to be employed yet wish I had more time to be home. My year has started off very full and busy with doing a radio program and volunteer work with youth. It is rewarding, challenging, scary and sometimes taxing when adding the rest of life in the mix. Tomorrow, I will begin the balancing act of it all. Home,job and volunteer work. Each one is an important facet in my life and I feel a responsibility to each one. I am hopeful that I can juggle it all and make the difference I desire to make. So...here is to the stepping back into life. I am doing so with goals to inspire others and give back something. To be able to say....I was here.